To meet again
The past few years feels like a time of missing in the world. An immense number of people have been forced to keep distance out of consideration and risk of spreading covid-19. The feeling of not being able to shake hands, to hug (I love to hug) and not being able to see each other is a trauma in itself. Not to mention the ones that have lost their loved ones during this time.
Ten days ago we saw each other again, my daughter Vendela and I. Loving, tender and with mutual curiosity. Many hugs, open and unpretentious talks, getting to introduce her to "my people" here in the village Burgau, Portugal and also some new acquaintances. Active but also lazy days where we have done the things that felt good in the moment.
I am so sincerely grateful for our connection and mutual love and I realize that it is far from a given. Close relationships containing a lot of feelings, as for example mother/daughter, can so easily break and become infected.
I am so grateful!
An inner journey
Furthermore I have come to the insight that the past few years have resulted in a life changing inner journey for me. From living a demanding life with a lot of responsibilities, stuck in a corner with a lot of "have tos" to a life full of "I want tos".
From burned out, irritable and tired to sunburned, calm and with my own inner smile.
The journey has been full of twists and turns, highs and lows, hope and despair. To have the courage to believe in yourself and your inner voice is challenging. Even more so if the voice is telling you that change is necessary and if it is not in line with our western way of living, where we tend to strive for more wealth, better career and so on.
To choose what you want
Personally I have always believed in the power of choosing the right words. I think that words are essential in creating feelings and can be crucial for obtaining what you aim for. Please do this small exercise: Start by saying a sentence where you use "I have to" ( for example I have to exercise) Feel the feeling in your body. Now use the words "I want to" instead. Notice the feeling in your body. Did the feeling change?
I think that everyone has a choice to make regarding how to live. When I experienced the feeling of being trapped in a corner with no options and a lot of "I have to" I finally burned out. Of course it can be hard or easy to make these choices and live the life that you know deep inside is right for you. Every choice we make has consequences, sometimes only for you, but most of the time also for the people around you. But wouldn´t it be wonderful to live a life full of I want to instead of I have to?
YOU DON´T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! Provoking, isn´t it?
Here is a suggestion of how to start reflecting over your have tos. On a piece of paper make two columns, one with the header I have to and one with the header I want to.
In each column write down what comes into mind, without thinking too much, things you believe you have to and things you want to.
Now take one have to at a time and reflect upon it by asking yourself why. Not once but several times until you reach the core of this I have to. Once you have reached this core, ask yourself if it has become an I want to. If it has, you have now made a choice. You are not forced to do it, you have chosen it. If it is still an I have to, maybe it is time for a change?
Go through the list of I want to and reflect upon what you need to do to make them become reality.
This way of thinking has helped me to dare and to choose new paths. Maybe it can help you find your inner smile?
On my way home
My six months in Portugal are coming to an end. An adventure, a fresh start, a reboot. I am returning to Sweden with an inner calm, new skills and knowledge, new friends and a good portion of confidence. I am so happy to see family and friends again. It will be a blessing to see my son William and to hug him and to give and get some loving care.
Now the premiere of yoga retreats awaits in Öland in June (3rd -6th of June and 30th of June to 3rd of July) and in September a wonderful retreat in Burgau, Portugal (23rd to 29th of September). It would be wonderful if you wanted to join me! For more information click here: Sensing Yoga retreats
I hope to see you soon again on this blog, but hopefully some day in real life as well!